How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
