Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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