I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Randomize
