he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
