i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
