Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
