maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
