Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
