The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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