And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
