i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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