I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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