I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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