Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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