We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
