I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
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