dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
