We're like a lot better than the average bears
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
