I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Randomize