brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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