Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
