After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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