she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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