We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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