I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
