My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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