HIV tests are more positive than that guy
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
