Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
