Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
