i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
