FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You can't just leave with hair like that
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
