Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
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Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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