So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
