I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
