there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
