Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
