Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Randomize
