You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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