i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
