the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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