I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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