He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
