someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
These tits shall not be calmed
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
