Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
