I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
