Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
