I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
