I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
