omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Houston, we have a blender
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
