First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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