What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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