haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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