I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
