There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
