I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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