I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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