im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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