we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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