i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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