sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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