Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
