Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
