The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
