Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
