A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i came on her dog
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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