I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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