Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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