You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
