I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
