A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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