I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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