I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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